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Planning for divorce telling friends and familyInforming Others of Your Decision:

There are many decisions required when contemplating leaving the marriage. One important decision is how to inform other of the news. After time has been spent attempting to resolve marital issues which have failed, the difficulty of sharing your decision with others is a must. Your mate is usually the first person told of your decision if the decision wasn’t decided mutually. In most circumstances, by the time you make the announcement to the other spouse, he/she is usually aware that marital unhappiness is prevalent and divorce has more than likely been contemplated. Even when spouses are aware of the unhappiness, some have difficulty accepting the decision to divorce.

When the final decision has been made, the uneasiness of sharing the news with other important people in your life can be very stressful. If you are at the stage of wondering how to tell your spouse, knowing that he/she is more than likely aware that problems exist and contemplation has been noted often helps with sharing the news. As you begin in planning for this announcement, make sure to plan a time that will be uninterrupted by phones, children or anything else. Having sufficient time to discuss this without interruption is essential.

If children are involved in the marriage, there needs to be an agreement between both parents as to how they will be told, what should be shared and when this will occur. Each child’s understanding will vary according to their age and an explanation as to their intellectual ability is helpful. Children must understand what divorce will mean for their family but intricate details for the divorce may be unnecessary. Children love both parents and have a desire to maintain that love no matter what decisions that parents choose. Children should be allowed to love both parents and have reassurance when parents do not place their children in loyalty conflicts to choose one parent over the other. If you have older children, avoid using them as your counselor or even best friend in whom you confide concerning divorce decisions and concerns. When discussions have been made and time has elapsed, the second phase of the conversation with parents about their children is that of the parenting plan. How will the children’s time be divided with each parent and how will major life decisions about them be made? The creation of a parenting plan is an important decision and if decisions for that plan can be made by the parents instead of “fighting it out in court” it will more than likely focus on the best interest of your children.

Friends and extended family are usually aware that you and your spouse may have drifted apart but may be unaware as to what extent. They have had close relationships with both spouses and when divorce occurs many often choose sides. It is not unusual for there to be many questions but remember that is not always necessary for you to explain details of your personal life to extended family of friends. Avoid airing your “dirty laundry” for the public to view may be wise.

When moving from contemplating divorce to actually informing loved ones of your decision can be emotionally challenging. Before disclosing your final decision about divorce, make sure that you are prepared for the different emotional reactions that you will face from your spouse, children, extended family, friends and even co-workers. Reactions will vary and often individuals feel that they must choose sides. Emotionally preparing yourself to control what you tell, how you answer and controlling how much that you allow your divorce to be aired in public is a must, before this process even begins.

Contemplating divorce over an extended period of time and moving toward divorce is a difficult process. Remember to take care of yourself during this emotional time by taking a break from divorce issues to refresh your mind, body and spirit.

Divorce Tool Box desires that every marriage could be saved but unfortunately that is not always accomplished. If divorce is inevitable, then it is our goal to assist in helping you become prepared for what lies ahead. Visit our website @www.divorcetoolbox.comtoday.

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