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Divorced parents and graduationIt’s that time of the year when everywhere you look there are caps and gowns of all colors and sizes. Graduation is a time when recognition of accomplishments is expected and a time of excitement of a chapter of life closing and another beginning. This time of year graduation may encompass all ages from those completing kindergarten, middle school, high school and even college. This is the time of year when so many young individuals are proud of the accomplishments that he has acquired and looks forward to sharing their individual success with friend, family and loved ones.

Graduation is often filled with many celebrations such as class parties in school or college environments, parties hosted by fellow classmates and even the reception after diplomas or certificates are awarded. The celebrations are often the highlight that the graduate looks forward to in order for loved ones to express their pride of their accomplishments and share in the celebration. This referenced celebration is the norm of how the graduation experience is visualized and often hoped for but for many with divorced parents, the secret desires may be more than just receiving their diploma.

When graduating and having divorced parents, the graduate may have different desires for their graduation than those of their peers due to divorce and its effects of his family. Listed below are five secret desires that your graduate may be hoping for.

1. If divorced parents have been hostile to one another, the anxiety of having both parents together to attend such a special event may be scary as to how each will react when in close proximity to each other. The hostility that divorced parents choose to create over the years was their own choice but the children will always feel the lasting effects.  When events occur such as graduation and requires the family to join together to celebrate, it often creates more anxiety than excitement. Many graduates secretly desire that there will be no strife, rather harmony and joy.  They also hope that each parent will focus on their accomplishments and achievements rather than how much they dislike one another.

2. Another concern of graduates with divorced parents is that both parents will attend their celebrations. Although children of divorce desire for parents to be a part of their life, many parents choose other “things” or “people” to replace their children after divorce. Things could equate a job, remarriage/new spouse, having another baby and even drugs and alcohol. Many children grow up without the involvement of both parents sharing in the care giving responsibilities or in the participation of life events. Although this may have occurred, many children will invite both parents to attend their graduation and secretly hope that both mom and dad will choose to attend. The anticipation over whether the parent will attend often overrides the excitement leading to the day of graduation.

3. Acceptance and admiration of both parents is desired when graduating. Graduation is such an accomplishment and the excitement in the air is of admiration, praise for their achievements and encouraging him for the bright future that the next phase of life has to offer. When children of divorce grow up in homes where at least one parent if not both parents have less than ample time for the children, many accomplishments of the children often go unnoticed. One secret desire is that parents will focus on the graduate by turning all of their attention toward them on this special day and recognizing their hard work.

4. If there has been a remarriage, the families’ reaction with one another may be a concern. If the divorce occurred years ago and time has elapsed with new partners and families involved, the families should be cordial at such a special event. Will the interaction be cordial or will the graduate be embarrassed by actions of one or both of the families? This is often a fear for many who graduate and the stress overshadows the joy.

5. Stress of graduation expenses may also be a great concern. Divorced parents often argue about finances and maturation expenses of the children which also include graduation. Graduation expenses may not have been considered in the custodial parenting plan and when expenses that require a financial investment occur, parents may argue over whose responsibility it is to pay these expenses. Your graduate hopes that you will work together toward these financial concerns without feeling caught in the middle of financial arguments on their behalf.

When facing graduation, there will be dreams of graduation day as a whole as well as personal dreams and desires. The self-satisfaction of a job well done with the admiration of both parents is always a dream of graduates. If you are a divorced parent of a graduate, make sure that you remember this is a day to lay all differences aside and families to unite for one reason, your graduate. Make plans today to make your graduates’ day blissful filled with great memories of both parents playing an active part to make the most of the graduation day. This day will always be remembered, what will you do to make it a perfect day?

Divorce Tool Box understands the challenges that family members experience through life’s transitions. When contemplating divorce, allow a Divorce Tool Box coach to assist you in preparing for the legal arena. Visit our website today at www.divorcetoolbox.com .

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